Download Free Apps & Games @ PHONEKY.com
Download Free Apps & Games @ PHONEKY.com
Subject: Lee Evans quotes
Replies: 17 Views: 1208
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:03pm
Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - this week, hatchets, half price! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:05pm
I love restaurants, and that's the thing now, they always boast about now, restaurants - home made cooking - I don't want home made cooking, that's why I'm here, 'cos I don't like the s**t at home! Yeah... you know! And they don't say who's home it is, do they! Could be a mental home, couldn't it! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:09pm
You ever get lost with your wife in the car, you're *completely* lost, and they *always* say the same thing! Oh let's just go home. WE'RE ING LOST! WHAT DID YOU THROW IN' BREAD OUT THE WINDOW? *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:10pm
We got completely lost driving in, and we asked the way, yeah, why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village- ing-idiot! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:12pm
hate those parking machines. Any machine where you've got to put money in, how do they always know you're in a hurry? You know, you rush up to it and they always get fussy on that last pound coin! You put it in and it goes Nooo, I don't like that one! Yeah well it's just the same as all the others! Yeah I know, I just don't like that last one! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:12pm
[about fizzy drinks machines] Who built that machine, to let that can, filled with gas, fall that far? You know, you put in that coin and it's just like *KABOOM!* *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 06:13pm
Why are we still embarrased about the condom machine? The only blokes who are not embarrased are the blokes who don't get any! You know, they wait in the bog, pound in hand, and as soon as someone comes in they're like Come on! come on! I've got birds waiting! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 08:59pm
[about smoke alarms] You burn a bit of toast and it goes *nuts!* *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:00pm
I'm always all over the place, you know, you get these people that are like Here, I was talking to her on monday - was it tuesday? - was it thurs-? WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY ING SAID! I hate them lovers! They say stuff like Feels like a tuesday, does it feel like a tuesday? Yeah, feels like a tuesday. I don't know! How the does tuesday feel? *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:05pm
They're like It's half past five but it only feels like twelve, ing hell, do they people forget to go to bed because they already think they're asleep?
*
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:06pm
Who are them blokes, the jockeys? Who are they, three foot high ing hobbits in a pimps outift! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:07pm
People say why do we kill so many cows, well they're *cr*p!* They have no survival instincts whatsoever! You stand next to any fence in the country and a cow'll walk towards you going Is it my time yet? I don't mind, just shoot me! They're dumb animals, otherwise they'd learn to s**t without it hitting the back of their legs! They'd swing it out at least! All dumb animals soil themselves! Sheep! Sheep are the same, but they do it for a reason! They're like that *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:10pm
Make a jumper outta me, will ya! I don't think so! But cows, ah, they haven't even got any camoflauge! They're black and white, and where do they choose to stand? IN A GREEN FIELD! They can't even run away properly, you chase a cow across a field and they run away like an old drunk!
[staggers around]
*
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:12pm
They're like frozen goalkeepers! They killed it just as it was about to save the ball! *
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:12pm
Lee Evans: What happened to all the family butchers? People complain there's no family butchers around anymore. Well they're ing mad! It's the only shop in the high street where you walk in and some blokes covered in blood, mutilating an animal! Before you walk in they're like that Grrr, GAAAH ING
[imitates chopping motions]
*
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:16pm
soon as you walk in they're like Good morning, how are you? Okay, goodbye! You ever seen them unloading the delivery van - the freezer lorry - they get out a side of cow. Where's the *other* side? Is there like a cow still grazing in a field with a ing side missing? And the frozen pigs, they're always in that position, have you noticed?
[imitates position]
*
z3ph3r 18.06.11 - 09:17pm
I love kebabs, they give you all that meat, that saturated fat, and they give you that little bit of salad. What's that, the healthy section? Never see a drunk do that, do you? Where's me salad! What you trying do kill me? *
kizzit 20.06.11 - 02:11am
LMA0! 
Love Em All.. They're BRILL! He's S0oo Funny! ..M0RE! 
M0RE!! *
